Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
