bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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