whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
