I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
