The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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