I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
