Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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