Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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