highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at about main and main street
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize