Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My cat gives me a boner
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sober January is a disaster.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
