why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
