If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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