weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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