I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
