Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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