Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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