john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
