I wish my penis had an off switch
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
