You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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