I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
