I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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