guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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