I cannot find my penis.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
