maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just invented taco cereal.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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