I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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