whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
