Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
