I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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