I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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