Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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