Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
