eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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