return my video game
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
