there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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