if only i could text you this smell
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
