My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
