my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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