i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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