that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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