Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ketchup is God's man juice
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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