i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
