my sisters under your porch take her home
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
