In the future we'll all be gay
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
