Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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