I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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