and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
