dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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