My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
