you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
