Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
