After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
