Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
