I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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