bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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