my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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