He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
