my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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