My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
