Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
