you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Houston, we have a squirter
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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