3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
