Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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