I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize