The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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