so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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