I'm really into asian looking animals
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
