i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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