I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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