Someone shit on the floor
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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